The Johnsmith Family Moves for the Umpteenth Time

Pa was absolutely furious. "Not again. I can't believe this!"

The Johnsmith family gathered their belongings from the area surrounding their recently purchased home. They were moving yet again; the screen door of their new home was faulty. Ma and Jemma now understood why her family was not allowed to keep personal properties inside a newly acquired residence.

Steven was the most upset about the move. It wasn't the packing that got to him, though. It was the fact that they had to leave behind his new best friend, Bacon.

Bacon was a Security Oyster that was assigned to protect the Johnsmith family a week after they'd moved in. Security Oysters are gigantic bivalve mollusks that function as family watchdogs throughout most of the Allied States. They're handy, they're utilitarian and they smell terrific.

Steven told Bacon all of his darkest secrets. Before it was announced that the screen door was faulty, he had just told Bacon that he liked to walk around in Jemma's clothes when no one was home. He said it made him feel like less of a boy and more of a man, a man an oyster or his Pa could respect.

Baby Diamond crawled around in the dirt near the home while the family gathered their things. He hadn't learned to speak yet, but when he saw the rainbow forming in the sky, he stood upright and quoted the following:

"What's the matter, you dissentious rogues, That, rubbing the poor itch of your opinion, Make yourselves scabs?"

The family turned around, stunned. Jemma shouted:

"Baby Diamond can talk! And he's quoting last month's Cosmopolitan!"

The family began to weep simultaneously. They showered Baby Diamond with kisses and snuggles and stared at the rainbow for a few long moments. Pa interrupted responsibly and asserted that it was time for them to leave.

The Johnsmith family crammed into their golden sedan like too many deceased bodies in a crematorium and drove toward the rainbow. They sporadically turned around and screamed "Goodbye, Bacon!" in unison.